Working Mother

The first week back at work was a breeze for me.  (Well, starting with day two...the first day had it's necessary adjustments.)  Once I figured out how to budget my time so that I could continue breastfeeding/pumping and still get all of my work done, I was set.  People kept asking how I was doing and I TRULY didn't understand why.

For those of you judging me, let me tell you this: taking care of an infant is work.  Hard work!  For me, it was more physically and emotionally demanding than my current job.  That doesn't mean I didn't love every minute of my maternity leave; it just means that going back to work seemed - well, I'll just say it - easier.  Oh, and I forgot to add this tiny detail about my first week back: Al was with my mom and dad all week.

Ok, you caught me...that is not a tiny detail.  Week one was a breeze because Al was with two people I trust 100%.  People he knows.  Grandparents he loves.  My mom who sends me at least 3 pictures of him a day.  BREEZE.  And I actually thought, "I've got this!"

Fast forward to week two, and Al's first week at day care: significant decline in my productivity at work, tears (Al's tears), phone calls and emails to other day-cares, tears (Mark's tears), constant worry, and tears (my tears).  So this is why people kept asking if I'm ok.

I'm working on being ok.  I like my job and know I would miss it if I stayed at home...because I did.  But, then there's the guilt.  Oh, the guilt.  Was Al held today?  Did that sick baby touch him?  Does he know how much I love him when I'm able to leave him for 9ish hours?  Even the days he's with my mom are hard. Especially when I miss seeing him be this adorable:

(Thanks to technology, I don't have to miss it altogether)

This LINK helped me with the transition, and reminded me that there are other moms out there doing the same thing...often with less support.  So, I'm accepting the good of being a "working mom" with the bad.  And I know deep down, "I've got this!"